speaking up for a Gendered souL
​​​​​​​​​​​From a very young age I have had trouble understanding myself as a female, battling with what it means to be a woman versus how I felt. I rebelled from societies version of femininity, it made me uncomfy and I thought there was more bad than good that came from it.
About 10 years ago I started getting help to see why I might have these feelings, this help came from my friends Jesus and Mary who teach Divine Truth (www.divinetruth.com) which started a much deeper dive intellectually and emotionally into what sex, gender, masculinity and femininity means for me and for humanity as a whole. The more I observe and learn on the topic, the more I see evidence building that what Divine Truth teaches about the soul and gender is in fact true. The more I explore my on feelings on the topic, peeling back layer after layer of conditioning that I have been exposed to from a very young age.... I wonder if I'll ever get to the end of it all and feel comfy in my feminine skin. What would that even look like, how would it make men feel and what would my interactions with males and other women look like from that place.
The topic of gender has become so politicised and distorted, how have we reached a point where cutting a young girls breasts off is the solution to her emotional discomfort about her body/ femininity? It's like we'd rather do ANYTHING than address the gender issues in society and the many abusive systems and narratives that still exist. Narratives that I was conditioned into and still play out myself, to this day.
Changing our physical body doesnt change our sex or our gender. I believe in the gendered soul, I believe the body we are born with (if healthy) reflects the gender of our half of the soul and that we all have a unique expression of masculine and feminine traits within ourselves. How have we got to the place where stating this scientific and spiritual fact can loose you your career or even land you in jail?
The desire to transition or reject your own gender in any way comes from discomfort in being you, this is something I have experienced. It can can be extremely painful and confusing and can lead to a more serious mental health condition known as gender dysphoria. According to the NHS gender dysphoria is "a sense of unease that a person may have because of a mismatch between their biological sex and their gender identity. This sense of unease or dissatisfaction may be so intense it can lead to depression and anxiety and have a harmful impact on daily life."
If you've read my post on spirits, you'll know I'm very interested in how spirits affect our lives on earth. All mental health conditions are exacerbated by spirits, it's not hard for a spirit to be attached to you influencing your thoughts, feelings and decisions without you even realising. This is an important piece of the puzzle in gender dysphoria, and mental health as a whole but thats another topic. If gender dysphoria is the result of a desperate avoidance of our gender pain playing out then spirits can take advantage of this and express themselves through us. The exact dynamics will be different for everyone and I'm not in a position to understand it fully yet but I do know it definitely plays a significant role in not only gender dysphoria but all mental health conditions and addictions. For more info on spirits please see my "spirit research" page.
This blog post explores how I have come to believe the above as well as addresses big gaps in logic that I feel those supporting gender fluidity have. To make it more digestible I've split it into three sections:
1. My personal experiences and how I feel trauma around gender can play out within a family
​
2. My ethical concerns about gender ideology in medicine and education
​
3. The fundamentals facts of what I believe about the Soul and gender.
​​
I want you to know how fiercely I believe in human rights for all, and the ability to use our free will to experiment and learn. I would never want to stop anyone having the freedom to choose what they do but I will always speak up when I feel love and truth are being disregarded even if that means I will be attacked myself. I never want to be part of facilitating any harm and I believe not speaking up is a form of facilitation. A lot of damage is being done to our young bothers and sisters in the name of this gender madness and that damage is irreversible.
I believe every single action, decision even thought we take or have has consequences and a direct and immediate effect on our souls and the world around us. With this in mind I take sharing my opinions and proposing truths on any topics very seriously. I hope my story can offer some hope and maybe even some clarity. With the right friends and a faith in God's goodness and design, although you dont even need this, it is possible to start undoing the shit show of what has gone wrong within and between the genders. It is possible to discover what unique shade and shape of lustrous pearl we are all hiding underneath our pain.
Sending hugs,
Anna.
Written 10 / 06 / 2023
(last edited 06/02/26)
​​​​​​​​​​
​​
my personal experience
​
Understanding Trauma and inter-gender family dynamics is extremely important for spotting patterns and understanding the why behind all of this. Firstly I want to share some insight into my experience... pictured below are me and brother. That's me on the left and i'm around 7/8 years old, I'm with my brother who is two years my elder.
I think it's really important to note that what you see above is not the damage or the cause of the problem, I did not think I was a tomboy because I dressed like one. The way I chose to present myself was just the effect of something far more insidious. I wanted to be more boyish because I desperately didn't want to experience all the feelings that came with being a girl in my family.
​
I chose to present this way because of emotional abuse that I'd suffered. It's only by investigating and starting to heal this emotionally that I have begun to feel more relaxed with and slightly connected to my femininity. Simply putting on a dress and makeup, which I tried in my teens and 20's didn't fix the problem. I plan to write more on my personal experiences in the near future, but I'm still quite in the thick of unpacking it all.
For cultural context I was born in 1986, in short my Dad didn't want a daughter, he wanted a second son. This was never verbally expressed to me but this was a very strong feeling coming from him. My mum was also at times in agreement with this, she dressed me and my brother in those matching jumpers (I chose the haircut). I haven't worked out why my mum did this, it might have been competition and jealousy or an agreement with my Dad's feelings or both.
There was a strong feeling in my family and society that Males were superior and women were stupid and unproductively emotional. This was largely modelled by the feelings my Dad had towards my Mum and the feelings her Dad had towards her and her Mum. There were certain things that women were allowed to be, they were allowed to play/be good at sport. They were not allowed to wear make up, jewellery or dresses, they were allowed to cook and clean (shock). They weren't allowed to cost any money which was inherently thought of as being a problem that women posed to men. They were not allowed to be promiscuous or sexually expressive in any way shape or form. I remember at the age of 3 or 4 longing for the jelly sandals everyone was wearing but I wasn't allowed them there were "too tarty". We weren't allowed to care how we looked that was vain, but we had to absolutely make sure that we did not end up fat (so you really did have to care, you had to care a lot to make sure you didn't get any of the above wrong). I remember as a very young girl watching my mum constantly yo yo dieting, slim fast shakes were common place as were demeaning comments about her body.....I thought that was normal.
With the above in mind I can see why conforming and defaulting to being "boy like" was a much easier existence. My parents split when I was nine, my Dad moved out and shortly after I went to boarding school, but by that time the messages felt cemented into my very soul. Although I changed how I looked at secondary school which was more neutral/ a bit girly, I always felt and acted more like one of the guys. With time my own judgements started to show themselves around women who wore lots of make up, cared how they looked, planned outfits, didn't compete at life and spent money on "frivolous" stuff. I knew the kind of woman I had to grow up to be and I was full steam ahead to make sure I achieved this. Anna the wee feminine, gentle, expressive, emotive and inquisitive girl had to be someone else to survive, the scariest thing was I didn't realise what had happened. I thought that curated version of anti-feminine was me, not only that but I thought it was what made me good and worthy of male approval.
This is just a snippet of my experience, we all have different stories of what was ok and not ok within our families four walls a lot of which I'm sure are just as wild as the next persons. We cannot underestimate as kids how sensitive we are to our parents feelings and projections and what we will do subconsciously to try and gain their love and approval as well as what we will do to protect ourselves from their angry, shaming or hateful feelings. Our parents are our sole source of survival and we can come to adore and idolise them, all we want it their approval and love, and getting this feels like a life or death situation to a child. We have to call situations for what they are, what I experienced was covert child abuse and it resulted in gender trauma and I believe every child, boy or girl has experienced some version of this to varying degrees, its this trauma that leads to the many complications of gender identity.
​
14 Examples of how trauma could RESULT IN gender dysphoria/ rejection oF YOUR TRUE gender EXPRESSION. ​
​
​
1. If you grow up in a house where preferential treatment is given to one gender of the other then your desire to be loved and not feel rejected can play out as desiring to be the other gender in the hope that you're then receive love. Kids are very capable of convincing themselves that things are true when they are not, especially if it means the difference of feeling loved or not.
​
2. If you grow up in a house where there is a consensus that one gender is superior to the other, you can convince yourself that you're actually not that lesser gender to avoid feeling judged and worthless, or it can play out less severely in just being a tom boy.
​
3. If for what ever reason your mum desperately wanted a girl and you were born a boy, following this new thought process/ ideology that gender is fluid you could choose to present as a girl to subconsciously try to please your mum and give her what she wanted so that you'll feel loved. She could also choose to encourage this to get what she always wanted.
​
4. If you're sexually abused a a child, the idea of transitioning can be a form of escapism / rejection of the body that endured the abuse.
5. If you grew up as a man surrounded by strong feminist women you could easily subconsciously learn that being a man is a bad thing, that masculinity is inherently bad and abusive. This could result in the rejection of the masculine part of your soul and in you presenting as feminine or fully transitioning to be a girl. The whole time thinking, wow I grew up in a house of strong women who wanted me to express my feminine isn't that great and freeing? When actually is was the opposite and they were just subconsciously projecting anger 24/7 at the masculine parts of you, which were not safe to express.
6. If your mother miscarried before you and hadn't grieved the loss of the baby, and this baby was the opposite gender to you, you could subconsciously present as the gender of the lost child to try and reduce your mothers grief. Also the baby who has passed could be influencing the child, looking for love from its mum through its sibling. This can lead to the child feeling like the opposite gender, children are particularly sensitive to this and those who are more mediumistic are more easily influenced than others.
7. If you grow up in a household where your mum/ parents wanted you to be special and wanted themselves to be thought of as liberal and progressive you could easily subconsciously play out gender fluidity to keep them happy, to feel loved and special. Gender fluidity is forced upon some children.
​
8. If at any point your parents had made you feel worthless or rejected then transition could be an appealing way to say hey that person you hated wasn't me, this is actually me.
​
9. If a father is so disgusted by his own femininity and shame around that then this can lead to a more feminine male soul presenting as toxic masculine to avoid rejection and judgment and to receive approval. To me this is another way in gender dysphoria can play out it doesn't always have to lead to someone presenting as the opposite gender, it can just result in someone altering their gender expression to any degree.
​
10. If you grew up in a household where your father or mother sexually projected at you even just emotionally, then identifying as the other gender would be a way to avoid this feeling / abuse and escape the discomfort of this. Kind of like safeguarding yourself I think this is extremely common with young girls and the amount of emotional projection they receive.
​
11. If gender roles in your family caused fighting between your parents (any time your parents fight, or were angry or scared you are not being loved which obviously happens a lot) then you can see the appeal in rejecting gender roles completely because from your world view all they do is cause trouble and suffering. I feel a lot of the non binary desire is just being so over "gender" and all the shit that comes with it.
​
12. If you're annoyed at your parents transition could simply be an act of rebellion.
​
13. If you feel neglected by your parents transition could be a cry for attention.
14. With the amount of pressure and recruiting that comes from the Trans movement you could end up playing along just to fit in or avoid the hate you receive for being "cis-gendered"
​
14. If you grow up in a house with a single parent and an huge amount of pressure, demand and expectation is put on you to be the man of the house, or a substitute wife to you dad then identify as the opposite gender could be a get out clause for this situation. To provide some relief to the EXTREME emotional demands that were put on you. Same would apply for Father / Daughter situation.
​
The list is literally endless, and each case is unique with regards to the trauma people have experienced.
A LaCK OF LOGIC AND the ETHICAL FLAWS IN transition treatment & gender ideology
​
​
Below are some questions I have and ethical flaws I can see in the way gender and gender reaffirming treatment is being handled :
1. If I was a doctor/ parent, the moment I heard of just one person who had undergone transition surgery and then regretted it, I would IMMEDIATELY stop my involvement in any form of affirmation and medical intervention/ treatment until I had a fail safe method that meant I could accurately predict whether or not I was potentially doing serious irreversible damage to someone should they change their mind. We still do not have this and I dont think we ever will because the current approach doesn't address the cause of the individuals suffering. Obviously there are now hundreds if not thousands of people who feel they have been harmed and I predict this number is just going to grow and grow and we will look back on this as one of the biggest insanities of modern times.
​
2. Following on from the above If someone can be so convinced of a falsehood that they permanently mutilate their own bodies through choice, gender affirming care is the last thing we should administrating as all it does it support this delusion. We need to be very careful and do far more research in to the trauma surrounding gender before we can officially provide "best care" to people suffering with gender dysphoria.
​
3. Removing someones breast cannot be traumatic for one person and positive for another, this is a huge surgery that both bodies will feel as extreme physical and emotional trauma. Why are we not learning from de-transitioners that is is very easy to convince ones self that a trauma is a positive experience only later to discover this was a delusion, whether that be 1 day later or 50 years later. It is not top surgery it is a double mastectomy.
4. How can something that contradicts scientific fact be taught as truth in schools? First and foremost we should be teaching our kids critical thinking, the importance of ethical experimenting and that they have the power to work things out for themselves. That they can trust their gut paired with how to apply logic and learning from nature and the world around them. We should be teaching them to listen, consider opinions and not be scared to disagree or speak up when then feel some thing is wrong. That it's ok not to agree with your friends or adults, in fact it healthy. That they can seek guidance from those who they feel are trustworthy and who embody kindness in the areas in which they are investigating. If these innate and simple skills had been encouraged in me from a young age my life would have been unrecognisable.
5. How can a minority group who refuses to engage in debate / discussion, who act with abuse and aggression to shut down freedom of speech and who make demands to change the world to suit their viewpoint, take control and this be seen as a step forward in human rights and inclusion?
6. If so many girls and guys who are identifying as trans are actually turning out to just be gay and struggling to deal with it, why aren't we focusing more on addressing homophobia?
​
7. Why are people not drawing the really obvious dots between sexual trauma and gender dysphoria?
​
8. Just because someone is happy with their transition doesn't prove it was the optimum solution for them. It doesnt disprove it but it definitely doesnt prove it. This is the problem with irreversible experiments on ourselves, why have all ethics gone out the window when it comes to experimenting with gender care ?
9. Why are we not taking into consideration the already huge experiment that this generation has had forced upon them growing up with social media which obviously has such a large implications on image and body dysmorphia? ​
​
10. There is no proof that denying or delaying gender affirming care will lead to higher rates of suicide, this is being highly manipulated to make people too scared to talk and so that people can get what the desperately want, what they have been told will make them feel better. Any decision I have made in desperation has not lead to a good outcome. Wear what you want, change your name to what you want, present how you want but my advice would be to not make permanent irreversible decisions with potentially catastrophic side effects when you're young and still figuring out who you are.
MY BELIEFS / FINDINGS / understandings SO FAR ABOUT THE SOUL & GENDER
​
1. The body is a temporary physical creation through which the soul is reflected and expressed.
2. Your biological sex is a reflection of your gender.
​
3. Gender is a unique expression of a mix of masculinity and femininity, which has infinite combination potentials.
​
4. Therefor your sex and gender is a reflection of your soul rather than the other way around or something we get to decide or change. However how we choose to express this is up to us, whether that is true to our real selves or not.
5. We can attempt to change our sex physically and we can manipulate physical biology but this doesn't create change in our soul.
6. We are half of a whole soul. If your half is more masculine than feminine in nature, then you're born male. If it's more feminine in nature, then you're born female. Your chromosomes reflect your souls gender from the point of conception.
​
7. Souls can be gay or straight, this its pretty clear to me that from the design of our bodies and the way humans can love and enjoy each other physically. Soul pairings can be male - male, female - female, or female- male.
​
8. The worlds current understanding of what true masculinity and femininity looks like is very broken and so there is a a huge amount of complex and specific trauma around this issue. The world is constantly projecting us that who we are is wrong, for example that women are stupid or crazy for being emotional and men are weak and shameful when emotional.
9.There has been generations of extreme exploitation of both genders, such as men being exploited for their bodies in war and women being exploited for their bodies in bed. So it's not hard to conclude that some people are going to try and fix this pain by simply not being a man or a woman anymore, cos F that, that stuffs painful and overwhelming.
​
10. Everyone's personality has as a specific mix and flavour of masculinity and femininity of which there are infinite possibilities for combinations and expression, no two souls have identical "gender" expression. But there are collective "traits" and characteristics of men/ women or masculinity / femininity.
​
11. I feel the word gender is actually more accurately described by ones personality and nature. So I would describe someone as male or female but then talk about who they are like as a person. I dont see the use of the term gender, especially when theres infinite possible expressions of this, cos we do not want to be using infinite pronouns!
12. Gender is something that you can categorise into a binary, but to see this physical binary as a limitation is to see the glass half full. I feel its actually an extremely beautiful, complimentary design that allows a world in which there is huge variety, individuality and expression along side cohesion, harmony, synergy and complimentary traits.
13. Pronouns to me simply define whether someone is a man or a woman e.g. a more masculine or feminine soul, it gently describes a beautiful characteristic of that persons soul, to change your pronouns is to reject a part of the real you and contribute to what is a damaging delusion. People can do what they like but I'd never want to repress a special part of someones soul or play along with a false narrative that comes from a rejection of self. I dont have aggression or annoyance around this topic, or a desire to fiercely enforce what I feel is the truth onto others.
14. Gender isn't the be all and end all, I think the full expression of someones nature, passions, humour mixed in with their gender is whats important. The more I work on my feelings around gender the less I'm frustrated by the worlds interpretation of it it and the more beauty I can see in its design, still a lot of work to do here though. I feel the left who claim to hate the gender binary are OBSESSED with it due to their pain surrounding its expression. .
​
15. I believe due our societies issues with appearance, a very toxic trait has emerged that the more someone looks like the other sex (the more they "pass") the more believable / acceptable this is. This has nothing to do with true femininity or masculinity.
16. You categorically cannot change your sex. Trans women are not women and trans men are not men. Otherwise we would just call them women and men but we cant because that would be factually incorrect.
17. Just because you feel like a women or a man it doesnt mean you are one.
​
18. When trying to change the sex/gender of your body, the body will fight to return back to its orignal binary until the day you die. Each cell in your body has this information embedded in it . The soul is extremely powerful and wants to express itself through the body and the body never lies. We can learn so much from embracing this concept rather than fighting it / trying to control it, this is an area i'm particularly interested in. Instead of I hate my breast they are not a part of me, get them off, why aren't we asking why are these feelings manifesting this way?
​
19. Attempting to physically change your gender creates huge complications and severely limits your ability to have pleasurable sexual experiences. People are being told you can change gender, that you can transition from one sex to another when you cant. People aren't being warned about the complications this type of surgery and medication brings. It is heartbreaking to hear so many post- transition and de-transition stories on this topic.
​
20. Reducing gender to physical sex and appearance is a disastrous and heartbreaking misunderstanding of the design, its also really reductionist and damaging. To me it feels like a kick in the teeth because I still have pain around the fact that a lot of the time women are desperate to be seen for their hearts and not for their bodies. I believe this is what fuels a fair amount of the anger and aggression from feminists because they have not dealt with their trauma around the injustice and pain of this exploitation by men.
​
21. The level of arrogance and or oversight required to believe that by playing with hormones and altering body parts is a good and complete job at "fixing" someones sex is pretty astonishing. It is this oversight / lie that has left so many people in a position of physical suffering for the rest of their lives. We do not have the ability, medical expertise to do this and if we ever do I really hope we will know that its a very bad idea to use it.
​
22. Just because something has always existed/ existed for a long time in human history doesnt automatically prove or disprove that its true.
​
23. Just because you've felt something to be true since you can remember does not prove or disprove that it is true.
24. In utero emotional and early age experiences have been shown to be highly influential on peoples psychology, physiology and mental health.
​
25. When you die / pass the changes you have made to your physical body will be left behind and you'll find yourself in spirit with a body that once again reflects the sex/gender of your soul. I.e. you'll be male or female spirit.
​
26. We are all highly emotional creations and we must not underestimate our subconscious and what it will do to avoid facing emotional pain. The biggest pain of all that we could face is being rejected for our true selves which I believe can easily drive people to be certain they are someone else or at least in some ways feel some relief / avoidance of fear by not being their real selves. We must not confuse relief and escapism for fulfilment and honest expression.
27. Most adults will openly admit that they are still working out who they are in their 30's, 40's, 50's etc I believe that continual change, discovery and progression is a good thing.
28. This is happening in the westernised countries and we have to get real that we're all contributing to it in one way shape or form. Anytime we deny our own or others true masculinity and femininity we are contributing to the problem. We need to honestly look at what we judge in the genders, what we are uncomfortable with and what angers, prejudices and expectations we project onto others. We have to be honest that we probably dont know what true masculinity and femininity feels like yet.
29. As highly sensitive emotional souls, we are all very easily influenced by spirits, in other words just like who we hang out with affects our decisions, the emotions of "spirits" (people who has passed) who surround us all the time can have positive and negative effects on how we think and feel. If we have specifically close interactions / entanglements with spirits, they can project their own feels onto us making us think they are our own. Such as a man influencing a women and vice versa. This entanglement can also cause manifestation of physical illness, character and behavioural change in us.
​
​
​
​
CONCLUSION
​
I am yet to find any evidence that proves any of the above 22 points to be false, but I'm of course open to that being a potential and I have no doubt my understanding will refine and deepen with time as I continue to investigate. I dont believe this is confirmation bias (although I suppose everyone thinks that!) I am genuinely only interested in the truth, reducing suffering and understanding the design so that I can discover and express the real me whilst helping to benefit the world with my passions in the process.
Since being accidentally dropped into the middle of this debate/ mess on gender, unsurprisingly as we attract what we need to heal it has turned out to be very relevant for me and understanding my childhood trauma. From a young age I learnt that to be loved I had to reject my real feminine self alongside if I presented more masculine I avoided uncomfortable sexual feelings from men.
Again and again, the more stories I listen to the more the evidence builds that the above theories are true, even if science is still very far from being able to explain the complexities of the human soul and how it functions. If you have genuine evidence to the contrary please do let me know.
​